Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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