how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
tell me about the eggs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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