That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
