On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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