i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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