just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize