Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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