I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
