You really coming over, don't trick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
high people should be assigned attendants
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
