she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
