Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
