Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
