If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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