may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
ttyl tear gas
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
