im six kinds of drunk right now
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
