Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
