john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
