There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
