So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
