Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
