Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
