idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
