i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
