friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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