If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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