Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
