i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
