Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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