Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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