oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
