I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
