What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
