Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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