where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
