I looked at my own cervix.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
