u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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