I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
