Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize