I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
