I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
