FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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