so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
