YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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