Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
