so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
