her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
