Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
