is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize