I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you had me at cake vodka
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
