OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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