she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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