Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
