I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
