Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
