i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
