A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
