i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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