I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize