New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
