he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
