rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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