Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
