That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
