I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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