Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
