My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
