I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
